I’ve been in France for (Oh my goodness) close to 7 years, but have only been driving over here for the latter half of that time. It started innocently enough. A rental car for a weekend in Normandy, then for a week in Montpellier, then for 2 weeks to show my parents Provence…and again, and again. Last year, one of André’s friends moved back to Paris after a long spell in the south. He came with a 2-seater Renault Clio, and no place to park it. So it moved into the parking spot provided with our rental agreement, and I got the keys.
I took quickly to zipping around the back roads of the Val de Marne—while the city of Paris itself is relatively well connected when it comes to public transport, the suburbs remain difficult. Pretty much any suburb-to-suburb journey involves either coming into the center of the city, and heading all the way back out, or over in hour on a variety of buses. So when my American license was eligible to be exchanged, I did the deed and we got a zippy red Clio of our own.
These past couple of years of driving have been terrifying, hilarious, astonishing, and terrifying. Oh. I said that already. This is not how I learned to drive. In Maine, we basically fight to let other people at the 4-way stop go first. It seems like every time I have a bizarre or irritating experience on the road, the next week I only have another one to top it. I can’t say these rules apply to most of France, as I’ve had relatively calm driving experiences outside of the Paris region, but here is a list of general advice to keep in mind in case you decide to take on the chaotic roads of Ile-de-France.
Don’t hesitate, just go. If there is one non-sarcastic rule on this list, this is it. Seriously, the scariest situations I’ve been in have involved being too defensive or too polite. Sometimes, despite your country bumpkin upbringing, you just have to put the pedal to the floor and GO. Don’t close your eyes though, that’s how you get run over by old ladies in fiats.
You can park anywhere. I mean it. Anywhere. From a trash truck parked for over an hour in front of our parking entrance, to a group of taxis parking in the middle of the A1 highway during a strike, in the Paris region, pretty much anything goes. In fact, if you can’t find a parking place, feel free to leave your car in the middle of the street with the 4-way blinkers on. Simply wave and smile when you return to your vehicle and someone is yelling obscenities at you.
my impeccably parked Renault Clio. No touch parking needed !
Priorité a droite/a gauche? The right-hand right of way seems to be one of the most confusing things for non-French drivers. Unless there are vague markings on the cement before an intersection, a car approaching a straight away from the right would have priority. Watch out, because they WILL do this at the maximum possible speed. Also, watch out if you have the priority, because the person on the main road will try and pretend that you don’t. Some people might try and insist that this law also applies to cars approaching from the left. It doesn’t. Feel free to swear at them.
Honking clearly solves all of the problems. Just this afternoon, I was driving over to Carrefour when I hit a red light. It had turned green all of .0003 seconds when the car behind me honked so that I would go. This is irritating. You can also honk at pedestrians who have the right of way in the crosswalk, bikes that are slowing you down, or generally anyone who is preventing you from driving like an ass. It is technical illegal to honk in urban areas, except in the case of immediate danger. I have never, ever seen this law enforced.
Red lights are optional. Most traffic controlling in France is done by camera. This means there aren’t usually policeman hiding around the corner to catch you breaking the code de la route. If you live in a particular area, you quickly learn which stoplights have cameras on them, and where the speed limit cameras are placed. This allows you the pleasure of deciding whether or not you feel like stopping at a red light. Most scooters do not observe red lights in any case.
Rond points i.e. circles of hell. Don’t try and understand them, just pray to God you are following someone who knows the rules. In general cars already in the rond point have the right away, unless there are dotted stop lines on the ground indicating otherwise. That is unless you are driving the infamous rond point at étoile, which I accidentally did during a thunderstorm at rush hour last year. Damn you, GPS. Also, there are random towns like Saint Maur des Fossés, where the priority belongs to every car entering the rond point. No, there is really is no way to know when this is the case. Yes, you will be insulted. Hopefully you’ll have your windows shut (see below).
Don’t be scared to hit other people. Touch parking is common practice here. So is touch driving in cramped spaces, while passing people in the breakdown lane, or, you know, if you are just lazy or don’t understand the size of your car. Walk down the street—nearly ever car has a ding or scratch on it. France was not made for cars, it was made for horse drawn buggies.
Don’t be scared to mess up your own car. People park half on/half off the sidewalk here. I was always taught that hitting the curb was terrible for tires, but no one seems to mind. Also, if that turn looks just a little tight to you, don’t worry too much if you scrape your wheel well just a little bit. That metal barrier has the paint scratches of every car that came before you. If you don’t want your car dinged up, um, I’d say don’t drive it, but it’s not really safe in the parking either. The two dings I’ve got on mine were from someone opening their car door too fast in the Carrefour parking lot, and me opening the trunk door too fast and it hitting the cement ceiling of our underground parking…
Feel free to reach into another drivers’ car and shake them. This was perhaps the most terrible driving experience I’ve had to date. I’m used to being yelled at, obscene gestures, being honked at… but one day while exiting the peripherique (the worst highway in France, maybe the world, other than those terrifying Asian mountain roads), I saw no signs as to which direction I needed to head. I slowed down, checked my blind spot, and started to turn left, when a MP3 (rich person 3-wheeled scooter) came out of nowhere on my left, driving about 50 mph too fast. He started screaming bloody murder at me, calling me a collection of choice words that my mother would not be pleased to hear, and claiming that all women drivers were ‘fucking idiots’. I was all set to roll up my window and carry on my way, when the man reached into the car and grabbed me by the shoulder, continuing to scream at me. Luckily, the process of closing the window was in route, and it nearly took his arm off. He made like he was going to smash my windshield, then after a couple more minutes of this, gave up and drove off. Seriously, it was the worst. So maybe this rule should actually be called drive with your windows shut.
A particularly awesome traffic jam on the peripherique.
The code de la route does not apply to scooters. I have never seen a scooter driver obeying the general driving laws applied to cars, therefore I can only assume that these laws do not apply. Feel free to speed, run red lights, drive on the sidewalk, drive the wrong way on one-way streets, and generally be as obnoxious as possible when driving your scooter. In fact, if you buy a scooter with a 50 cc motor, you don’t even need a proper driving license! how cool is that ?
But seriously, driving in Paris and the surrounding areas is not for the weak of heart. If you are the laid back, no-blind-spot-checking, defensive driver like I used to be, you may very possibly be run over. And quickly. You need to be on your toes, assured, willing to take risks, but also know when to back down from a good game of chicken. Do I regret having a car here? Not one bit. I’ve actually saved quite a bit of money since buying our car, since I’m now able to be far more discerning about where I shop. I’ve also seen parts of France, and the Paris region that are totally inaccessible without a vehicule. And there’s the freedom factor, which is pretty intangible, but very important.
And there’s nothing quite like navigating Paris by car at 2am when the streets are empty and the city sparkles. Happy driving !